Only lasted 17 hours off the ciggies. Guess I have to stat over again soon.
however I have kept up the exercise, been walking for at least 1 hour every morning, going a bit further and a bot faster every day (I always have been a quick walker). Looking fo0rward to getting to the point where I can jog it all, but it may be a while off yet as I think my heart has suffered a bit from all the abuse I have subjected it to over the years (the first 15-20 minutes of my walks have come with some concerning pains in my chest). Hopefully it is just my body getting used to exercise again, but I dont think I'll take any chances on this one and get a check up at the GP (as I was supposed to do 2 weeks after detoxing.)
I'll be back here shortly for more updates.
Take care of yourselves people, you will feel alot better for it.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The moment has come to quit smoking.....
I ran out of smokes last night, that coupled with the lack of income due to my poor performance with the business earlier this year has led me to decide to quit smoking as of today.
Don't get me wrong I will miss my little buddies alot, but definitely wont miss the way they make me feel in the morning or the breathlessness after the tiniest bit of physical exertion. Besides, since giving up the grog I have become determined to become 100% clean for the first time since puberty. Actually, before puberty I have smoked since I was 11.
I have quit several times before in my life with varying degrees of success lasting from days, months and once I even went 2 years. I really hope I am strong enough to make it last this time.
Actually I know I am strong enough, we all are. It is just that we take the easy way out when we have a craving sometimes. Note to self: Harden the fuck up.
Part of me really doesn't want to stop smoking. Like it was with the grog I fear that I will not have my little companion to have with me when I get bored, stressed or whatever else it is leads us to our habits.... Seriously, I just looked out of the window earlier and thought about smoking ond my mind raced a little bit thinking "Oh, Oh, ummm, what do I do now?". However, I know this is pretty normal behaviour for someone who is giving up something. The same sort of behaviour that gives people the reluctance to quit or failure to quit within the first day.
(see note to self again Mr A)
As mentioned in my last post, I want to get fit as well so I have seized the opportunity of stopping the cigarettes and started going for walks again this morning as I am sick of the fat on my belly from the years of drinking and I'll be stuffed if I am going to put any more weight on just because I quit smoking. (I used to go for 1 hour every morning 2 years ago. 4 years ago I would walk over 14 kilometres a day). I was fit and toned once (despite being an alcoholic) and really wish to get back that way again. I am 6' 1" and 5 years ago I was 92kg with good muscle tone. Today I am around 115kg, having dropped about 5kg over the last 6 or so weeks off the grog. Unfortunately my arms have 1/2 the muscle they did 5 years ago too. That said, my weight isnt all grog related, I did work my previous company to he point I was required in an office all day and my new business requires the same. Exercise does not come with work any more so it has become less likely to get done and lazy routines are very easy to slip into.
Lets change that shall we;)
Don't get me wrong I will miss my little buddies alot, but definitely wont miss the way they make me feel in the morning or the breathlessness after the tiniest bit of physical exertion. Besides, since giving up the grog I have become determined to become 100% clean for the first time since puberty. Actually, before puberty I have smoked since I was 11.
I have quit several times before in my life with varying degrees of success lasting from days, months and once I even went 2 years. I really hope I am strong enough to make it last this time.
Actually I know I am strong enough, we all are. It is just that we take the easy way out when we have a craving sometimes. Note to self: Harden the fuck up.
Part of me really doesn't want to stop smoking. Like it was with the grog I fear that I will not have my little companion to have with me when I get bored, stressed or whatever else it is leads us to our habits.... Seriously, I just looked out of the window earlier and thought about smoking ond my mind raced a little bit thinking "Oh, Oh, ummm, what do I do now?". However, I know this is pretty normal behaviour for someone who is giving up something. The same sort of behaviour that gives people the reluctance to quit or failure to quit within the first day.
(see note to self again Mr A)
As mentioned in my last post, I want to get fit as well so I have seized the opportunity of stopping the cigarettes and started going for walks again this morning as I am sick of the fat on my belly from the years of drinking and I'll be stuffed if I am going to put any more weight on just because I quit smoking. (I used to go for 1 hour every morning 2 years ago. 4 years ago I would walk over 14 kilometres a day). I was fit and toned once (despite being an alcoholic) and really wish to get back that way again. I am 6' 1" and 5 years ago I was 92kg with good muscle tone. Today I am around 115kg, having dropped about 5kg over the last 6 or so weeks off the grog. Unfortunately my arms have 1/2 the muscle they did 5 years ago too. That said, my weight isnt all grog related, I did work my previous company to he point I was required in an office all day and my new business requires the same. Exercise does not come with work any more so it has become less likely to get done and lazy routines are very easy to slip into.
Lets change that shall we;)
Sunday, May 4, 2008
One month (roughly)
Still sober, have not touched a drop.
I have been around people drinking a handfull of times, including last night and not really even getting the cravings any more. Sure I still feel like a beer a times, but I know I cant have one and it seems easy to control now.
I would like to be the type of person that could just have one drink (or even a couple once or twice a week) but I still know I am not that type of person and I'll be stuffed if I am going to try and see if I can be. I think alcohol just has to become something that will stay in my past.
Even though it is early days (relatively speaking) life is good, I enjoy doing all the things I used to do now, but I just dont drink whilst doing it. Well, the time spent at any club or pub has been signifigantly reduced, but hey, you got to expect that when you stop drinking. I dont gamble as a rule so even the poker machines hold little interest for me. I have done well at not replacing one vice for another so I'll keep it that way;)
I have however maintained my nicotine addiction through this (Doctors orders, believe it or not) and have enjoyed smoking quite a bit more than I used too. It has been nice sitting back of an evening with my packet of Marlboro (which I switched to after week 1 for some reason) and a selection of nice tobaccos for my pipe (yes, I smoke a pipe at times. And the tobaccos are Borkum riff Vanilla & Cherry cavandash. Amphora Full Aroma along with the rather expensive Davidhoff Blue Mixture incase you are curious). This however is another part of my own Self Destruction and another thing I will be stopping shortly. May as well post about that one here too. The only reason I wont stop it straight away is that I am enjoying being mentally balanced again from where the booze was destroying it and dont want to subject my mind and body to another withdrawal phase in such a short period of time.
The longer I have been sober, the more I realise that it was the grog aggravating the stress related anxiety more than anything else. We all get stressed and we all deal with it in different ways. (No points for guessing how I used to deal with it). Sure, there are still quite a few times where I would rather bury my head in the sand or have a drink, but have found that the best way to deal with any problems is to tackle them head on. It is the quickest way to get rid of them. Talk to people about them if need be (even though I only seen a psych twice so far, it definately helped). It doesnt have to be a pshych, it can be a good freind, a counsellor or even the people that are causing the stress. Either way, dealing with it rather than using any form of escapism is the best method I have found so far. And you get a feeling of accomplishment at the end of it, which a great reward in its self.
I think I will have a follow up with my psych for a bit of closure, hopefully his thoughts will be the same as mine and see no further counselling due for alcohol and anxiety. But please, do not take my experience as a guide for yourself. Every body has different personalities and needs and therefore need different levels of support and care through tough times. Talk to someone about your problems for as long as you (or them) think you need too.
If you feel you have no one to talk to or would even like to chat just out of curiosity feel free to contact me any time, the comments here are moderated by me, so you can send your question and email address through the comments and I wont publish it unless you want me too. Naturally I will delete any personal details. (not sure if I have email enabled here at the moment). Believe it or not although not a professional in any counselling field I have helped quite a few people kick habits in my time and counselled a lot of freinds through difficult break ups with their partners. Strangers on the internet are no exception to this rule. Just remember I am not a professional, all I can share is my advice based on experience from various addictions, moods, divorce along with lessons learnt from observing how others have coped with their own troubles in difficult times.
I may not be posting here as frequently about my alcoholism, but rest assured I still check it daily to see if there are any comments to publish. Looking forward, I think my future posts will be more about giving up smoking and that nasty thought of getting fit again like I have promised myself so many times I would do;) I thought once I kicked the booze I would be that bored I would distract myself by getting fit. Sneaky me, chose movies and work instead.
Take care of yourselves for me,
Mr Addictive
I have been around people drinking a handfull of times, including last night and not really even getting the cravings any more. Sure I still feel like a beer a times, but I know I cant have one and it seems easy to control now.
I would like to be the type of person that could just have one drink (or even a couple once or twice a week) but I still know I am not that type of person and I'll be stuffed if I am going to try and see if I can be. I think alcohol just has to become something that will stay in my past.
Even though it is early days (relatively speaking) life is good, I enjoy doing all the things I used to do now, but I just dont drink whilst doing it. Well, the time spent at any club or pub has been signifigantly reduced, but hey, you got to expect that when you stop drinking. I dont gamble as a rule so even the poker machines hold little interest for me. I have done well at not replacing one vice for another so I'll keep it that way;)
I have however maintained my nicotine addiction through this (Doctors orders, believe it or not) and have enjoyed smoking quite a bit more than I used too. It has been nice sitting back of an evening with my packet of Marlboro (which I switched to after week 1 for some reason) and a selection of nice tobaccos for my pipe (yes, I smoke a pipe at times. And the tobaccos are Borkum riff Vanilla & Cherry cavandash. Amphora Full Aroma along with the rather expensive Davidhoff Blue Mixture incase you are curious). This however is another part of my own Self Destruction and another thing I will be stopping shortly. May as well post about that one here too. The only reason I wont stop it straight away is that I am enjoying being mentally balanced again from where the booze was destroying it and dont want to subject my mind and body to another withdrawal phase in such a short period of time.
The longer I have been sober, the more I realise that it was the grog aggravating the stress related anxiety more than anything else. We all get stressed and we all deal with it in different ways. (No points for guessing how I used to deal with it). Sure, there are still quite a few times where I would rather bury my head in the sand or have a drink, but have found that the best way to deal with any problems is to tackle them head on. It is the quickest way to get rid of them. Talk to people about them if need be (even though I only seen a psych twice so far, it definately helped). It doesnt have to be a pshych, it can be a good freind, a counsellor or even the people that are causing the stress. Either way, dealing with it rather than using any form of escapism is the best method I have found so far. And you get a feeling of accomplishment at the end of it, which a great reward in its self.
I think I will have a follow up with my psych for a bit of closure, hopefully his thoughts will be the same as mine and see no further counselling due for alcohol and anxiety. But please, do not take my experience as a guide for yourself. Every body has different personalities and needs and therefore need different levels of support and care through tough times. Talk to someone about your problems for as long as you (or them) think you need too.
If you feel you have no one to talk to or would even like to chat just out of curiosity feel free to contact me any time, the comments here are moderated by me, so you can send your question and email address through the comments and I wont publish it unless you want me too. Naturally I will delete any personal details. (not sure if I have email enabled here at the moment). Believe it or not although not a professional in any counselling field I have helped quite a few people kick habits in my time and counselled a lot of freinds through difficult break ups with their partners. Strangers on the internet are no exception to this rule. Just remember I am not a professional, all I can share is my advice based on experience from various addictions, moods, divorce along with lessons learnt from observing how others have coped with their own troubles in difficult times.
I may not be posting here as frequently about my alcoholism, but rest assured I still check it daily to see if there are any comments to publish. Looking forward, I think my future posts will be more about giving up smoking and that nasty thought of getting fit again like I have promised myself so many times I would do;) I thought once I kicked the booze I would be that bored I would distract myself by getting fit. Sneaky me, chose movies and work instead.
Take care of yourselves for me,
Mr Addictive
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