5 Months now.
Life has not been this good in years!
I have lost over 15kg, opened a few new savings accounts and also bought myself another boat with the money I saved on booze alone (17 & 1/2 foot half Cabin, Fibreglass). On my way to getting my partner an engagement ring too:) On top of that, I get out and about with the family alot more nowdays and have found that walking seems to be our cheapest and most entertaining activity. We do "go bush" quite a bit, so I have put a few dollars towards hiking packs and good boots for all, but it was un necessary and my only recommendation would be a first aid kit, just in case.
Even if you dont have money to save, or sped whilst off the booze (there were plenty of tight times for us too!). There are alot of things you can do that are cheap and make you feel good. Exploring the local neighbourhood was just one for me and I must say that it is amazing what you can find in your own back yard!
If you are giving up the grog, or any other vice, stick with it. IT IS WORTH IT!
Once again, feel free to email any questions.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Over 2 months now
Cant say that I havent had cravings. A fortnight ago for some reason I felt like a beer (yes, only a beer;) on Thursday and just felt like one constantly up until the following Sunday. It was a bit rough but I didnt give into temptation.
But over all I feel great. I have not felt this alive in years and can comfortably socalise with my friends who love a drink and still enjoy myself. Yes I do feel like one occasionally when I am with them but it only takes a thought back to how I used to be to deter myself from having one and enjoy my water. I have even noticed that my conversations seem more in depth now and that laughing when sober is 10 times better than laughing when drunk.
If you are going through the same problems as me, just hang in there.
Still smoking cigarettes though. I feel that I will really want to give them up (again) soon. Wish me luck!
But over all I feel great. I have not felt this alive in years and can comfortably socalise with my friends who love a drink and still enjoy myself. Yes I do feel like one occasionally when I am with them but it only takes a thought back to how I used to be to deter myself from having one and enjoy my water. I have even noticed that my conversations seem more in depth now and that laughing when sober is 10 times better than laughing when drunk.
If you are going through the same problems as me, just hang in there.
Still smoking cigarettes though. I feel that I will really want to give them up (again) soon. Wish me luck!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Woops,
Only lasted 17 hours off the ciggies. Guess I have to stat over again soon.
however I have kept up the exercise, been walking for at least 1 hour every morning, going a bit further and a bot faster every day (I always have been a quick walker). Looking fo0rward to getting to the point where I can jog it all, but it may be a while off yet as I think my heart has suffered a bit from all the abuse I have subjected it to over the years (the first 15-20 minutes of my walks have come with some concerning pains in my chest). Hopefully it is just my body getting used to exercise again, but I dont think I'll take any chances on this one and get a check up at the GP (as I was supposed to do 2 weeks after detoxing.)
I'll be back here shortly for more updates.
Take care of yourselves people, you will feel alot better for it.
however I have kept up the exercise, been walking for at least 1 hour every morning, going a bit further and a bot faster every day (I always have been a quick walker). Looking fo0rward to getting to the point where I can jog it all, but it may be a while off yet as I think my heart has suffered a bit from all the abuse I have subjected it to over the years (the first 15-20 minutes of my walks have come with some concerning pains in my chest). Hopefully it is just my body getting used to exercise again, but I dont think I'll take any chances on this one and get a check up at the GP (as I was supposed to do 2 weeks after detoxing.)
I'll be back here shortly for more updates.
Take care of yourselves people, you will feel alot better for it.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The moment has come to quit smoking.....
I ran out of smokes last night, that coupled with the lack of income due to my poor performance with the business earlier this year has led me to decide to quit smoking as of today.
Don't get me wrong I will miss my little buddies alot, but definitely wont miss the way they make me feel in the morning or the breathlessness after the tiniest bit of physical exertion. Besides, since giving up the grog I have become determined to become 100% clean for the first time since puberty. Actually, before puberty I have smoked since I was 11.
I have quit several times before in my life with varying degrees of success lasting from days, months and once I even went 2 years. I really hope I am strong enough to make it last this time.
Actually I know I am strong enough, we all are. It is just that we take the easy way out when we have a craving sometimes. Note to self: Harden the fuck up.
Part of me really doesn't want to stop smoking. Like it was with the grog I fear that I will not have my little companion to have with me when I get bored, stressed or whatever else it is leads us to our habits.... Seriously, I just looked out of the window earlier and thought about smoking ond my mind raced a little bit thinking "Oh, Oh, ummm, what do I do now?". However, I know this is pretty normal behaviour for someone who is giving up something. The same sort of behaviour that gives people the reluctance to quit or failure to quit within the first day.
(see note to self again Mr A)
As mentioned in my last post, I want to get fit as well so I have seized the opportunity of stopping the cigarettes and started going for walks again this morning as I am sick of the fat on my belly from the years of drinking and I'll be stuffed if I am going to put any more weight on just because I quit smoking. (I used to go for 1 hour every morning 2 years ago. 4 years ago I would walk over 14 kilometres a day). I was fit and toned once (despite being an alcoholic) and really wish to get back that way again. I am 6' 1" and 5 years ago I was 92kg with good muscle tone. Today I am around 115kg, having dropped about 5kg over the last 6 or so weeks off the grog. Unfortunately my arms have 1/2 the muscle they did 5 years ago too. That said, my weight isnt all grog related, I did work my previous company to he point I was required in an office all day and my new business requires the same. Exercise does not come with work any more so it has become less likely to get done and lazy routines are very easy to slip into.
Lets change that shall we;)
Don't get me wrong I will miss my little buddies alot, but definitely wont miss the way they make me feel in the morning or the breathlessness after the tiniest bit of physical exertion. Besides, since giving up the grog I have become determined to become 100% clean for the first time since puberty. Actually, before puberty I have smoked since I was 11.
I have quit several times before in my life with varying degrees of success lasting from days, months and once I even went 2 years. I really hope I am strong enough to make it last this time.
Actually I know I am strong enough, we all are. It is just that we take the easy way out when we have a craving sometimes. Note to self: Harden the fuck up.
Part of me really doesn't want to stop smoking. Like it was with the grog I fear that I will not have my little companion to have with me when I get bored, stressed or whatever else it is leads us to our habits.... Seriously, I just looked out of the window earlier and thought about smoking ond my mind raced a little bit thinking "Oh, Oh, ummm, what do I do now?". However, I know this is pretty normal behaviour for someone who is giving up something. The same sort of behaviour that gives people the reluctance to quit or failure to quit within the first day.
(see note to self again Mr A)
As mentioned in my last post, I want to get fit as well so I have seized the opportunity of stopping the cigarettes and started going for walks again this morning as I am sick of the fat on my belly from the years of drinking and I'll be stuffed if I am going to put any more weight on just because I quit smoking. (I used to go for 1 hour every morning 2 years ago. 4 years ago I would walk over 14 kilometres a day). I was fit and toned once (despite being an alcoholic) and really wish to get back that way again. I am 6' 1" and 5 years ago I was 92kg with good muscle tone. Today I am around 115kg, having dropped about 5kg over the last 6 or so weeks off the grog. Unfortunately my arms have 1/2 the muscle they did 5 years ago too. That said, my weight isnt all grog related, I did work my previous company to he point I was required in an office all day and my new business requires the same. Exercise does not come with work any more so it has become less likely to get done and lazy routines are very easy to slip into.
Lets change that shall we;)
Sunday, May 4, 2008
One month (roughly)
Still sober, have not touched a drop.
I have been around people drinking a handfull of times, including last night and not really even getting the cravings any more. Sure I still feel like a beer a times, but I know I cant have one and it seems easy to control now.
I would like to be the type of person that could just have one drink (or even a couple once or twice a week) but I still know I am not that type of person and I'll be stuffed if I am going to try and see if I can be. I think alcohol just has to become something that will stay in my past.
Even though it is early days (relatively speaking) life is good, I enjoy doing all the things I used to do now, but I just dont drink whilst doing it. Well, the time spent at any club or pub has been signifigantly reduced, but hey, you got to expect that when you stop drinking. I dont gamble as a rule so even the poker machines hold little interest for me. I have done well at not replacing one vice for another so I'll keep it that way;)
I have however maintained my nicotine addiction through this (Doctors orders, believe it or not) and have enjoyed smoking quite a bit more than I used too. It has been nice sitting back of an evening with my packet of Marlboro (which I switched to after week 1 for some reason) and a selection of nice tobaccos for my pipe (yes, I smoke a pipe at times. And the tobaccos are Borkum riff Vanilla & Cherry cavandash. Amphora Full Aroma along with the rather expensive Davidhoff Blue Mixture incase you are curious). This however is another part of my own Self Destruction and another thing I will be stopping shortly. May as well post about that one here too. The only reason I wont stop it straight away is that I am enjoying being mentally balanced again from where the booze was destroying it and dont want to subject my mind and body to another withdrawal phase in such a short period of time.
The longer I have been sober, the more I realise that it was the grog aggravating the stress related anxiety more than anything else. We all get stressed and we all deal with it in different ways. (No points for guessing how I used to deal with it). Sure, there are still quite a few times where I would rather bury my head in the sand or have a drink, but have found that the best way to deal with any problems is to tackle them head on. It is the quickest way to get rid of them. Talk to people about them if need be (even though I only seen a psych twice so far, it definately helped). It doesnt have to be a pshych, it can be a good freind, a counsellor or even the people that are causing the stress. Either way, dealing with it rather than using any form of escapism is the best method I have found so far. And you get a feeling of accomplishment at the end of it, which a great reward in its self.
I think I will have a follow up with my psych for a bit of closure, hopefully his thoughts will be the same as mine and see no further counselling due for alcohol and anxiety. But please, do not take my experience as a guide for yourself. Every body has different personalities and needs and therefore need different levels of support and care through tough times. Talk to someone about your problems for as long as you (or them) think you need too.
If you feel you have no one to talk to or would even like to chat just out of curiosity feel free to contact me any time, the comments here are moderated by me, so you can send your question and email address through the comments and I wont publish it unless you want me too. Naturally I will delete any personal details. (not sure if I have email enabled here at the moment). Believe it or not although not a professional in any counselling field I have helped quite a few people kick habits in my time and counselled a lot of freinds through difficult break ups with their partners. Strangers on the internet are no exception to this rule. Just remember I am not a professional, all I can share is my advice based on experience from various addictions, moods, divorce along with lessons learnt from observing how others have coped with their own troubles in difficult times.
I may not be posting here as frequently about my alcoholism, but rest assured I still check it daily to see if there are any comments to publish. Looking forward, I think my future posts will be more about giving up smoking and that nasty thought of getting fit again like I have promised myself so many times I would do;) I thought once I kicked the booze I would be that bored I would distract myself by getting fit. Sneaky me, chose movies and work instead.
Take care of yourselves for me,
Mr Addictive
I have been around people drinking a handfull of times, including last night and not really even getting the cravings any more. Sure I still feel like a beer a times, but I know I cant have one and it seems easy to control now.
I would like to be the type of person that could just have one drink (or even a couple once or twice a week) but I still know I am not that type of person and I'll be stuffed if I am going to try and see if I can be. I think alcohol just has to become something that will stay in my past.
Even though it is early days (relatively speaking) life is good, I enjoy doing all the things I used to do now, but I just dont drink whilst doing it. Well, the time spent at any club or pub has been signifigantly reduced, but hey, you got to expect that when you stop drinking. I dont gamble as a rule so even the poker machines hold little interest for me. I have done well at not replacing one vice for another so I'll keep it that way;)
I have however maintained my nicotine addiction through this (Doctors orders, believe it or not) and have enjoyed smoking quite a bit more than I used too. It has been nice sitting back of an evening with my packet of Marlboro (which I switched to after week 1 for some reason) and a selection of nice tobaccos for my pipe (yes, I smoke a pipe at times. And the tobaccos are Borkum riff Vanilla & Cherry cavandash. Amphora Full Aroma along with the rather expensive Davidhoff Blue Mixture incase you are curious). This however is another part of my own Self Destruction and another thing I will be stopping shortly. May as well post about that one here too. The only reason I wont stop it straight away is that I am enjoying being mentally balanced again from where the booze was destroying it and dont want to subject my mind and body to another withdrawal phase in such a short period of time.
The longer I have been sober, the more I realise that it was the grog aggravating the stress related anxiety more than anything else. We all get stressed and we all deal with it in different ways. (No points for guessing how I used to deal with it). Sure, there are still quite a few times where I would rather bury my head in the sand or have a drink, but have found that the best way to deal with any problems is to tackle them head on. It is the quickest way to get rid of them. Talk to people about them if need be (even though I only seen a psych twice so far, it definately helped). It doesnt have to be a pshych, it can be a good freind, a counsellor or even the people that are causing the stress. Either way, dealing with it rather than using any form of escapism is the best method I have found so far. And you get a feeling of accomplishment at the end of it, which a great reward in its self.
I think I will have a follow up with my psych for a bit of closure, hopefully his thoughts will be the same as mine and see no further counselling due for alcohol and anxiety. But please, do not take my experience as a guide for yourself. Every body has different personalities and needs and therefore need different levels of support and care through tough times. Talk to someone about your problems for as long as you (or them) think you need too.
If you feel you have no one to talk to or would even like to chat just out of curiosity feel free to contact me any time, the comments here are moderated by me, so you can send your question and email address through the comments and I wont publish it unless you want me too. Naturally I will delete any personal details. (not sure if I have email enabled here at the moment). Believe it or not although not a professional in any counselling field I have helped quite a few people kick habits in my time and counselled a lot of freinds through difficult break ups with their partners. Strangers on the internet are no exception to this rule. Just remember I am not a professional, all I can share is my advice based on experience from various addictions, moods, divorce along with lessons learnt from observing how others have coped with their own troubles in difficult times.
I may not be posting here as frequently about my alcoholism, but rest assured I still check it daily to see if there are any comments to publish. Looking forward, I think my future posts will be more about giving up smoking and that nasty thought of getting fit again like I have promised myself so many times I would do;) I thought once I kicked the booze I would be that bored I would distract myself by getting fit. Sneaky me, chose movies and work instead.
Take care of yourselves for me,
Mr Addictive
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Another good day
Still don't have as much motivation with my work as I should, but then again I have been in this industry for 5 years and I never was one to sit in the same place for too long. I am starting to think that genuinely I am just a bit bored with it, so I am just changing the focus on it a little to make it more interesting. New challenges, now that's what I love!
I even considered going back to well paid employment there for a minute, but my ex would get too much bloody money if I did. Might send off a resume or 2 out of curiosity anyway. Wouldn't be the first time I have knocked back good job offers to keep doing what I do, 1&1/2 years ago people called me mad for doing knocking them back. I enjoyed proving them wrong by earning nearly double in my first year trading with the new business. (Just a pity I lost it there for a bit and this year has not fared well so far). I know I can make it better (because I already am, you'll see;)
Now that's the misery bit out of the way, lets get on with the good stuff!!!
Dropped my eldest at her new school today, she was really cool about it. I was so proud to see my 6 year old (who can be a bit shy at times) walk into her new class with her head held high and a big smile on her face. I called her this afternoon and she told me she has already made 3 new friends. Brought a tear of happiness to my eye. I cant wait to see my girls again in a few days time.
After dropping my daughter off I went to measure up a small job order for a really good client that had become a bit dubious about us, mainly due fact I was not answering the phone for a while there + we had a few minor subcontractor problems on site. This is the best part of being sober, I no longer reach for the bottle when there is a problem. I look for the solution and act on it straight away, Very rewarding in itself. So rewarding that after talking to a few of the owners of "my clients" business the one small order I was instructed to act on today ended up being 5 orders with on HUGE one in amongst it:) This will provide 1 months work for my subcontractor and his staff along with a bit of healthy profit for myself. What used to take me days through drunken procrastination took me about 2 hours to do today. Lets just hope the subcontractors dont fuck anything up this time. That is the worst part of my type of business, I am always relying on the promises of my suppliers and subcontractors (which then get relayed to my clients). When the suppliers and subcontractors break a promise or when they fuck up, it is me that cops the shit. Pointing fingers is useless, finding solutions, acting quickly and being upfront* about it is the only thing that helps. Guess that was my tip for the day, as it applies to many things in life.
*Upfront: May contain traces of small lies to protect integrity if necessary (this only applies to business and wifes;)
I even considered going back to well paid employment there for a minute, but my ex would get too much bloody money if I did. Might send off a resume or 2 out of curiosity anyway. Wouldn't be the first time I have knocked back good job offers to keep doing what I do, 1&1/2 years ago people called me mad for doing knocking them back. I enjoyed proving them wrong by earning nearly double in my first year trading with the new business. (Just a pity I lost it there for a bit and this year has not fared well so far). I know I can make it better (because I already am, you'll see;)
Now that's the misery bit out of the way, lets get on with the good stuff!!!
Dropped my eldest at her new school today, she was really cool about it. I was so proud to see my 6 year old (who can be a bit shy at times) walk into her new class with her head held high and a big smile on her face. I called her this afternoon and she told me she has already made 3 new friends. Brought a tear of happiness to my eye. I cant wait to see my girls again in a few days time.
After dropping my daughter off I went to measure up a small job order for a really good client that had become a bit dubious about us, mainly due fact I was not answering the phone for a while there + we had a few minor subcontractor problems on site. This is the best part of being sober, I no longer reach for the bottle when there is a problem. I look for the solution and act on it straight away, Very rewarding in itself. So rewarding that after talking to a few of the owners of "my clients" business the one small order I was instructed to act on today ended up being 5 orders with on HUGE one in amongst it:) This will provide 1 months work for my subcontractor and his staff along with a bit of healthy profit for myself. What used to take me days through drunken procrastination took me about 2 hours to do today. Lets just hope the subcontractors dont fuck anything up this time. That is the worst part of my type of business, I am always relying on the promises of my suppliers and subcontractors (which then get relayed to my clients). When the suppliers and subcontractors break a promise or when they fuck up, it is me that cops the shit. Pointing fingers is useless, finding solutions, acting quickly and being upfront* about it is the only thing that helps. Guess that was my tip for the day, as it applies to many things in life.
*Upfront: May contain traces of small lies to protect integrity if necessary (this only applies to business and wifes;)
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Well, sorry about yesterdays rant.
We had the guests over as planned, all the adults drinking drinking drinking. Sure, I felt like one at times (most of the night), but got through it quite well.
The worst part of the night was the 8 yes, 8 children/teenagers. With me being the only sober one, I found myself either worrying about their safety (especially my young ones) or answering/listening to the the 100,000 questions/statements per minute that they are capable of. I also found out hat ipods suck, and I never should have promised my mates daughter that I would download some songs and put them to her ipod for her when they came around (they dont have internet at home). Picture this: Drunken gathering of adults outside, man (me) inside with about 6 kids hovering over shoulder downloading songs for a 12 year old girl.
Downloading Justin Timberlake and a whole heap of other mushy songs that I cant handle, converting files to stupid fucking itunes and having 6 kids barking in my ear every second whilst the others were running amok elsewhere in my little house AND trying to stay sober with my freinds outside having enjoying a drink was my hardest test yet.
I PASSED:)
and am proud of it.
My freinds were good, no one pushed a drink in my face or even offered. I was a little quiet at time, but I think most knew that I was a little on edge that evening, but in the end all cool. Great to see my wife let her hair down and enjoy some gossip amongst her freinds too. She can drink anytime she wants and knows this, but she wanted to back off having 1 or 2 a day herself I think. I still have a heap of wine in the fridge and cupboard which she is welcome to drink, unfortunately she doesnt like any of them. (Between you and me I think she has poor taste in wine)
Nice and sober today as well, done heaps of fishing (we live on the water) with the kids and freinds that stayed over, read a bit of a nice novel I am reading at the moment and the backyard is all cleaned up along with the house.
I must admit though as much as I regret pouring so much grog down my throat over the years to the point it was starting to kill me. I was kind of proud to overhear one of my mates talking to one of the teenage boys (nearly 17) about life and choices. He used me as an example of how alcohol can start to rule some people (that is not the pride bit, that just bought up regretful feelings) EMO! The pride was when I heard him mention himself and a few really large drinkers we know and tell the kid that 1 month ago I could have drunk them all under the table and continued to have a sensible conversation with the next person that came along. Some would say it is nothing to be proud of, and it isnt. I was just proud to hear that I had confirmation that I was never a messy, loud or obnoxious drunk. I WAS FUCKING SUPERMAN! ;)
In summary, there has been stress, there have been hurdles to jump but in the end I am glad to be sober today. I am looking forward to a sober future. Just got to keep myself occupied for now;) This evinings choice of distraction shall be cooking some Russian Food for the children (dont know if I mentioned this before, but every time the kids come over one of them blindly picks a spot on a map of the world and I cook them food from that country) Tonights dish Piroshki with a nice Eggplant Thing as a side. Cooking is something I have always enjoyed, runs in the family. Same with my wifey. Kids are blessed to have us as parents / step parents I tell ya!
If you have been read this blog or been following it. Thanks for putting up with ups and downs of my rants. I feel stability is in the not too distant future:)
well, as stable as us humans get anyway;)
The worst part of the night was the 8 yes, 8 children/teenagers. With me being the only sober one, I found myself either worrying about their safety (especially my young ones) or answering/listening to the the 100,000 questions/statements per minute that they are capable of. I also found out hat ipods suck, and I never should have promised my mates daughter that I would download some songs and put them to her ipod for her when they came around (they dont have internet at home). Picture this: Drunken gathering of adults outside, man (me) inside with about 6 kids hovering over shoulder downloading songs for a 12 year old girl.
Downloading Justin Timberlake and a whole heap of other mushy songs that I cant handle, converting files to stupid fucking itunes and having 6 kids barking in my ear every second whilst the others were running amok elsewhere in my little house AND trying to stay sober with my freinds outside having enjoying a drink was my hardest test yet.
I PASSED:)
and am proud of it.
My freinds were good, no one pushed a drink in my face or even offered. I was a little quiet at time, but I think most knew that I was a little on edge that evening, but in the end all cool. Great to see my wife let her hair down and enjoy some gossip amongst her freinds too. She can drink anytime she wants and knows this, but she wanted to back off having 1 or 2 a day herself I think. I still have a heap of wine in the fridge and cupboard which she is welcome to drink, unfortunately she doesnt like any of them. (Between you and me I think she has poor taste in wine)
Nice and sober today as well, done heaps of fishing (we live on the water) with the kids and freinds that stayed over, read a bit of a nice novel I am reading at the moment and the backyard is all cleaned up along with the house.
I must admit though as much as I regret pouring so much grog down my throat over the years to the point it was starting to kill me. I was kind of proud to overhear one of my mates talking to one of the teenage boys (nearly 17) about life and choices. He used me as an example of how alcohol can start to rule some people (that is not the pride bit, that just bought up regretful feelings) EMO! The pride was when I heard him mention himself and a few really large drinkers we know and tell the kid that 1 month ago I could have drunk them all under the table and continued to have a sensible conversation with the next person that came along. Some would say it is nothing to be proud of, and it isnt. I was just proud to hear that I had confirmation that I was never a messy, loud or obnoxious drunk. I WAS FUCKING SUPERMAN! ;)
In summary, there has been stress, there have been hurdles to jump but in the end I am glad to be sober today. I am looking forward to a sober future. Just got to keep myself occupied for now;) This evinings choice of distraction shall be cooking some Russian Food for the children (dont know if I mentioned this before, but every time the kids come over one of them blindly picks a spot on a map of the world and I cook them food from that country) Tonights dish Piroshki with a nice Eggplant Thing as a side. Cooking is something I have always enjoyed, runs in the family. Same with my wifey. Kids are blessed to have us as parents / step parents I tell ya!
If you have been read this blog or been following it. Thanks for putting up with ups and downs of my rants. I feel stability is in the not too distant future:)
well, as stable as us humans get anyway;)
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