Caffine and Valium

Wow!

I always maintained that I would NOT substitute my alcohol addiction for any other one.
But DAMN! do I love a coffe or 12 a day now. Pretty contradictory to the valium (diazepam) I know, but better than a drunken state I suppose.

Unfortunately I had to miss my GP appointment last Thursday due to my work schedule, but was lucky enough to get a consultation at our local poly clinic on Saturday night when I ran out of my script to see a GP that prescribed me some more diazepam (which I must admit I was scoffing like smarties over the previous week). Unfortunately I have always had the sort of metabolism that adapts to any drug I choose and I can usually handle twice as much as "normal" people within a week or 2. 1 tab, was just not cutting it so I have found myself having 2 of a morning and 3 of an afternoon (sometimes another 2 at might as I have been keeping really odd hours of late). Also in relation to my adaption, I have had a fair amount of experience with MDMA and speed in the past. I would often have triple what every one else would have plus litres of vodka and still sleep at the end of the night. It was fun at the time, but it isnt fun when you realise your mind is going because of it.

Nowdays sleep is something I do not look forward to of an evening, so I have been keeping myself ammused learning more technical things from web sites that I have wanted to learn about for some time, and I am FINALLY using my seller account on ebay (and making tidy profits I must add;). So I guess I have turned my internet abuse into a positive as well. Actually I dont find myself on the internet as much since I stopped drinking. It has been nice to be a functional human being (even if the sedation plays a big part) and doing more about the house and yard. Jut a pity I go to bed at 4am and cant be woken before 11 0r 12pm the next day (and I always used to be out of bed ny 8 no matter how late I partied to). Guess it is my bodys way of dealing with things ie: caffine. Hopefully my psych reads this and helps give me a bit of an insight into this routine (sorry I had to cancel yesterday doc, but due to poor planning, my wife was at work, I had my kids here for the holidays and, um, kind of did not wake up until 20 minutes before the appointment).

Over the last few days, I have re organised the fish tank (again) , cleaned the gutters on the roof, tidied the back yard, made more business deals and most importantly have spent more time with the kids (this one may be a bit of a test though as the kids are on school holidays and I have to run a home based business. Not to mention that my eldest daughters hyperactive freind is staying over). But I shall endeavour to be strong and resist the urge to over medicate on the diazepam as I have been lately.

Thinking about selling my boat to fund further developments for the business too. I know I can get twice what I paid for it on ebay. Gotta love that!

I am just contemplating whether to go all out and set up an online store right now, or wait and see if the excitement dies off?

Hmmm, guess I'll let you know next post!

Take care of yourself peoples, trust me it feels better than abusing yourself.

Re-Focusing the mind is the hardest hurdle. Once you get past that, the future looks a whole lot better.