Off the diazepam

And still off the booze.

I was watching the movie "Street Kings" last night and fuck me did it make me feel like having some vodka (the main character likes it as much as I do). I am not quite sure how long I have been off it, nor do I want to count the amount of time I have not had a drink. that's it, this is final (I really hope). I almost went through all my bank accounts and added up how much I spent at liquor stores over the last financial year, but decided to do some more work instead. I'll post the amount in my next post.

I have noticed I am slipping a bit with work again, maybe it is just how I am. Maybe I just need to try harder. I'd love to get my new products off the ground, but every time I get close (financially) another bill gets in the way. The rain of late has made the last 2 months work with regular clients financially shit as it has not stopped raining and without going into too much detail of my business. All I will say is that rain stops my clients from ordering.

My internet surfing has not really dropped, although I have found I am using it to make money rather than fuck about on sites talking to some people I know (sorry guys, nut I had to do this). All I can say about the internet at the moment is FUCK ME YOU GET SOME DUMB QUESTIONS FROM EBAY USERS! If I had a dollar for every time I had to answer a dumb question It would not matter if I sold the products in the first place;)

I really have to get to get myself back to the GP and psych again. But the lack of motivation and "work load" (meaning, the work I am supposed to be doing) seems to be holding me back. As stated before, I never thought I'd need psych (and I probably dont) but they really help you look into where your thoughts are really coming from. My father inlaw, and best freinds are both psychs, but I'd rather keep it at a friendly level rather than professional. Besides, I don't think that my father in-law would want to know that their little girl is with an alcoholic and an ex drug user (although I think he may have suspected the alcoholism part as we have stayed up late drinking wine together on many occasions, I miss doing that with him since we moved away). I don't know why my wife is with me, but I am glad she is. I like to think I do the right thing by her. She has put up with a lot of drunken rants over the years (some argumentative, but mainly just dribble;)

One other thing, is that since I stopped the diazepam, I keep talking in my sleep and sleep is very restless. I dare say this will wear off in a week or so. Been trying to get back into a normal sleep pattern and had a good 7 hours last night. But I woke up after dreaming that my former embezzling business partner was working at my home office and I snapped, and started throwing his stuff out the door, kicking him out. The whole time in this dream I was wondering to myself "why did I let him work with me again?) I have had many dreams like this since the break up of that business after his embezzelment. Maybe I should have changed industries altogether rather than becoming opposition. Cant wait until the fucker goes to jail.


I have no tips for today. Why dont you give me one instead?