Yesterday after writing my blog here drunk again I decided that Today was going to be the day I stop drinking. I had been drinking daily (as I have for years) but binging quite heavily, completely writing myself off every day. Originally I intended to stop mid-April after a holiday that I had planned but I dont feel waiting any longer was going to help. People will just have to get used to sober me.
A few months ago I did take a break from the booze for nearly 3 weeks. It was tough at first, but got a bit easier through that time. Unfortunately I thought after that time that I could have just 1 light beer. Not so, I have been blind drunk ever since I had that 1 light beer and have hardly worked at all. I was choosing to block out important issues by drinking and fucking about on the internet all day every day (another thing I aim to change).
Luckily enough I was open enough about my addiction to tell my local GP when I was having some other health troubles and he has offered great support throughout the issues and health. Basically, a few weeks back I was told I would be dead in under 10 years if I did not stop. I wanted to stop, but chose not to.
I had been referred to a psych and attended a session (something I never thought I would have to do). He gave me a great insight into where my work related anxiety was coming from and gave some tips to change things. Also this made me realise the #1 reason I was there in the first place was due to my drinking.
My GP told me that when I was ready to stop, he would offer further treatment involving drugs and further therapy. I know substituting alcohol for another thing can be really bad, but face it I am a bit of a wreck at the moment so I am giving the Diazepam a go for 2 weeks to help take the edge off the anxiety. I am happy to say that day 1 is going well and I am sitting here having a lovely cup of soup as I write this. Also went out with my wife and ex wife to look at a new school for my eldest daughter as the ex is moving soon. I must say I am very impressed with the new school we were thinking about. They have state of the art educational facilities and this has given me even more to look forward too. (I went to the GP after that meeting). The diazepam has basically sedated me and feels a little uncomfortable, but nowhere nearly as uncomfortable as the usual cravings.
Tomorrow I aim to focus on sorting out my back log of work and appeasing some clients that are at their wits end. The only problem is... what the hell do I tell them? Cant really say that I have been delaying projects due to alcoholism, anxiety and depression can I ;)
I guess we will know how it went when I post here again tomorrow night. Even with the great support through my GP, wife and mother It all rests in my hands. Lets hope I do the right thing.
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