Why am I here? (blogger)

I am here to hopefully help you to help yourself by learning from my mistakes.


I am an alcoholic.

My past and present circumstances I will go into later. But currently I am losing money,my business, freinds and quality time with my beautiful family because of what I have made myself become. It hurts.

So what do I do when things hurt too much?
You got it, have another drink, block out life and fuck about on the internet.

Do I like it?
No. But I aim to change this by posting here regularly and gaining further insight into myself and the things I do. Recently I have had a bout of anxiety related to work and it is not like me to let things like that affect me, typically I look into myself and work things out. I just cant work it out any more. Things need to change NOW and I am the only one that can do this.

I thought having a reasonable level of intelligence (so people tell me) and a good insight into my own behaviour would have saved me from dragging myself down this far but obviously that is not so.

Before you label me as some EMO fuck, please dismiss those thoughts because I usually make any situation a fun one for example: last time my wife got pulled over for speeding, I ended up in an interesting conversation with the policeman whilst the other officer did background and vehicle checks. When he presented her the ticket I thanked him and said "thank you mate, she is no longer perfect" he glared back at me without saying a word. My response was "Sorry, I know... no laughing matter". He responded with "Its OK mate, got one just the same at home." A golden moment really. My wife is an incredible person, and thank christ she can put up with my extrovert nature and style of humour.

Drifting away from the point a bit, but I thought I should let you know a bit about my general mood. The mood that is being erased by alcohol.

Once again I am not my normal self. I cant even bring myself to answer the phone when clients call anymore. Any rational tips would be appreciated.

Edit: One month has passed now, It is OK the future posts dont all sound as emo and depressing as this one. I was at one of my lowest points and very drunk when I wrote this along with the fact that is how was genuinely feeling at the time. Feel free to read on and leave comments on relevant posts for others to read.

Mr Addictive